Epilogue
I have been told many times that I was wise beyond my years. I have also lived and seen a lot beyond most people in my years. I threw myself into the possibility of gaining wisdom whenever the chance presented itself. You will know I’m wise, but you may not know why I am this happy today. You have no idea the amount of inner self-healing work that it took to see me the way you do, today. You don’t know that I spent the last four years of my life looking inside of me. I mean really looking inside of myself.
It wasn’t by accident that I can smile at you today, and stand there, knowing it was real. I am not happy with coincidental design. I have had several what others would define as “difficult” and unfortunate life experiences very early on, that should have resulted in a much more fearful, closed, and distrusting individual. I was a refugee for the first decade of my life. I was displaced, not once, but twice by places I thought would be my home. I was born in Bosnia, and Germany is where I grew up. My identity altered twice, never stable enough. I didn’t trust identifying myself, because it never proved to last from experience.
But none of these personal hardships could compare to what happened to me from the ages of 23 through 27. These were the darkest of memorable times. Time moved forever slowly with each passing year, unraveling any sense of self-worth, understanding, or perceived image I had of myself. I had no idea who I was by the end of it. These years stripped me of everything I ever thought I knew about myself, and what I was capable of. I had no idea how much pain I was carrying around up until I met him, and he exposed the darkest parts of myself. I didn’t run away and instead, I chose to stay.
My gift is loving others. How destructive something so beautiful could be. My gift became my curse, as well. This is the story of how meditation saved my life.
